Alex's Stuff

thatmitchsentho:

thatmitchsentho:

secreticecream:

thatmitchsentho:

secreticecream:

thatmitchsentho:

So mum had never seen Hidden Figures before last night so Alex and I watched it with her and her level of absolute disgust at Taraji P Henson getting overlooked for an Oscar nomination was ultimate feels.

“What do you mean she didn’t even get nominated? Who won the Oscar?”

[Told her it was Emma Stone for La La Land and then told her who else was nominated.]

“Oh I saw that movie. It was average. And she won best actress? Doe eyed white girl plays a doe eyed white girl. Hardly groundbreaking. I mean Meryl is Meryl and that’s just always going to be a thing, and Natalie Portman was okay in Jackie but Taraji didn’t even get nominated so I guess I’m saying the Academy are on my list of mortal enemies.”

(Yes she has a list of mortal enemies. Apart from the academy, it consists of her former neighbour Judy, her third grade teacher, Alex’s birth mother - SOLIDARITY!!!, Nike, Dilmah tea and Pauline Hanson. Just roll with it guys.)

What did former neighbour Judy DO?

Former neighbour Judy… oh here we go.

It started when stole her beloved lime tree sapling in the middle of the night, assuming my mum would never notice. When confronted, she said “oh we’ve had a lime tree growing here for a while now, didn’t you know?” Mum was next level angry but she couldn’t very well prove Judy had stolen the tree.

In what my mother calls “delicious tangy karma” neighbour Judy never managed to get a single ripe lime off of that tree. But mums replacement tree - a lemon this time - bore so much fruit that she baked with it constantly, and dropped lemons off to all the neighbours.

Except neighbour Judy.

I’m so glad I asked about this story

My mum has lived her life regarding this tree at a level of petty some people only dream about. You better believe that every time she whipped up a lemon meringue pie, or pulled a lemon cake out, or made lemon curd, she did so with the god damn windows wide open so that the smell wafted over the neighbourhood.

And I kid you not, when neighbour Judy moved out, my mum had the balls to ask if she was planning on trying to grow limes at her new place too. Judy was Not. Impressed.

HOLY SHIT GUYS

so I was just explaining to my mum that I told you all the Judy Lime Tree story and she had this weird look on her face so I’ve put two and two together…

Me: MUM DID YOU POISION THE LIME TREE?

Mum: Did I poison MY lime tree? Absolutely not.

[pause]

Mum: Your father definitely did though.

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?

SO MANY YEARS LATER THE TRUTH COMES OUT…

(via unlucky-chan)