Last night I had a dream that my friends were taking me out to see a movie, and it turns out the big movie everyone’s going to see is a JonTron movie and JonTron would be making a special guest appearance.

So we grab drinks and sit down and soon Jon himself walks in and gives an introduction about the movie before it starts, how he’s worked really hard on it and everything. He’s dressed fancy so it’s obviously a very important occasion. But… the movie then turns out to be so cringeworthingly awful that people have to resist the attempt to leave. It was so god awful. Jon’s just sitting there staring intently at everyone thinking it’s great stuff.

The movie starts with some weird watercolour paintings that look like they were painted by a 4 year old animated into two-frame choppy lip movements, and then occasionally it cuts to Jon filming himself while holding the camera at arm’s length so there’s all these unflattering chin angles and rustling sounds and he’s just blabbing on about some spiritual journey he has to take to find his ultimate companion. There’s some cheap dramatic royalty-free music playing to try and convey it’s an epic quest. Then it gets to him discovering Jacques for the first time… only in the movie Jacques is just a lump of rock that vageuly resembles the shape of a parrot. So for the rest of the movie Jon is just sitting there talking with this weird-looking rock taped on his shoulder.

Please pity Amateur Director Dream JonTron.