Alex's Stuff

US Presidents As Dril Tweets

• George Washington:   another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
• John Adams:   "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.
• Thomas Jefferson:   Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts
• James Madison:   (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby
• James Monroe:   for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"
• John Quincy Adams:   "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
• Andrew Jackson:   handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!
• Martin Van Buren:   Food $200
• Data $150
• Rent $800
• Candles $3,600
• Utility $150
• someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
• William Henry Harrison:   (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good
• John Tyler:   fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this
• James K. Polk:   thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom
• Zachary Taylor:   the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying
• Millard Fillmore:   trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...
• Franklin Pierce:   blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
• James Buchanan:   #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...
• Abraham Lincoln:   unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"
• Andrew Johnson:   who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off
• Ulysses S. Grant:   i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
• Rutherford B. Hayes:   using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,
• James A. Garfield:   too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now
• Chester A. Arthur:   i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark
• Grover Cleveland:   the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site
• Benjamin Harrison:   i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc
• William McKinley:   boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!
• Theodore Roosevelt:   IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
• William H. Taft:   ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*
• Woodrow Wilson:   the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer
• Warren G. Harding:   somebody please Bribe me
• Calvin Coolidge:   aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals
• Herbert Hoover:   it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud
• Franklin D. Roosevelt:   ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me
• Harry Truman:   everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume
• Dwight D. Eisenhower:   my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed
• John F. Kennedy:   when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self
• Lyndon B. Johnson:   incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"
• Richard Nixon:   i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups
• Gerald Ford:   shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right
• Jimmy Carter:   i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again
• Ronald Reagan:   spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn
• George H.W. Bush:   just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT
• Bill Clinton:   were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,
• George W. Bush:   friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,
• Barack Obama:   my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line
• Donald Trump:   no