thespectacularspider-girl:

deadjosey:

Do you think if pokemon were real that their would be like insurances on like certain pokemons like certain cars like if u have a red care and are also male the insurance is through the roof so like if u had a fire pokemon or a electric pokemon it would probably be expensive right? 

Trainer:  “I have an Electrode.”

Pokesurance Employee:

(via ninestempest)

big-mac-115:

atheist-xmas:

thekingandqueenofcheese:

smallmetal:

photoshop-and-chocolate:

sushinfood:

automata-systemata-hydromata:

tredlocity:

at first i was like “why did they make those things in his head weird growths and not hair??” but then i looked it up on the Pokemon Wiki and

It was never hair and Mr. Mime has always been terrifying

That’s the only part of that entry you found terrifying?

HUH????

Look at that hand on the leg, Ash’s mom is a freak

Ash heckled a Mr. Mime and now it’s his stepdad

what the FUCK

(via drizziedoodles)

tokillapromqueen:

reddit-tales:

Workers, when have you said “fuck this, I quit”?

I used to work at McDonalds (I know). Opening usually involved me at the front counter with a headset on so I could do drive-through orders and handle making coffee / putting orders together / taking money at the front from the little old people that came in at the crack of dawn every morning. We would also have a manager who was there to be important and one person in the kitchen. We’re a small rural town so usually this is fine but we were on kind of a major highway so sometimes it would get busy out of nowhere.

Depending on the manager the amount of help we had would vary wildly. One morning we got super busy and I started cracking under the pressure. I’m a fantastic multi-tasker but my drive-through line was backing up since I was trying to juggle them and all the walk-in folks from my front registers and when it gets packed…well, it’s fun. I glance around trying to find my manager for help. I see him on one of our cameras – he’s outside smoking a cigarette around the side of the building. Mind you, this is like his third trip out to smoke this morning. I’m absolutely dying trying to get caught up. Customers are being passive aggressive saying they will come behind the counter and get their own coffee and stuff. I have people yelling at me in my headset from the drive through. I end up having to remove the headset just to try to get the frontline sorted. I start making progress with the front but I basically had to sacrifice the drive-through customers for two minutes.

Apparently the cars outside start yelling at my manager and interrupt his smoke break so he comes in, sees me with my headset off and goes berserk. He’s like “WHOS TAKING THE DRIVE-THRU ORDERS?” I’m in the middle of trying to get a fresh pot of coffee going so I sort of auto-respond “No one. Hang on.” as I continue to dash around behind our counter to grab a fruit & yogurt parfait for an order. He basically gets in my way and starts giving me shit. Loudly, talking to me like I’m a dog. I point to the camera and yell, loudly enough to disrupt the entire inside of the restaurant. “I’m these two registers, first window, second window, and I’m bagging. I’m like FOUR PEOPLE and you’re out behind the building not doing SHIT!”

His eyes go wide. I can tell he knows I’m holding on by my last thread. He’s sighs. And he’s like “You’re in a ton of trouble but we can talk about this later.” No. Fuck him. I’m done. I’m all riled up from random customers yelling at me. I toss him the headset. “You want to give me shit for not being able to run like four stations with no support? Run five. I’ll watch.” I remove my name badge.

He went to say something to me. I turn away, facing the one girl working in the kitchen who is watching this all play out. I remember telling her “I’m so sorry.” and then I dropped my name badge, toss my hat on the counter, grab a water cup, put on (and zip) my jacket so my uniform is covered up. I go to the drink fountain, fill my water cup, and then I go sit on the far side of the seating area and watch him go down in flames. He ends up ALSO taking off the headset and picking up the phone so he can spam call the whole workforce one by one trying to call for help. It’s like 5AM so no one is going to accept a call from their work number. About ten minutes into his struggle he ends up very loudly pleading with me to come back from behind the counter. I can’t even see him on the other side of the sea of people swarming the counter at this point.

I call back “I need a smoke first!” and I go outside.

I don’t smoke. I’ve never smoked. I drive home.

He ended up losing his job.

Originally posted by heckyeahreactiongifs

(via leadhoovesies)

korino21:

atlasisreal:

swarnpert:

swarnpert:

go fish but instead of saying go fish you say go fuck yourself

“got any 3s?” “go fuck yourself”

I don’t know if you’ve ever played go fish but that’s what you say when you do have the cards they asked for

@shanoniusrex

(via ninestempest)

cookingwithroxy:

mexican64:

 Stan Lee passed away earlier today at 95 years old. Thank you Stan for creating stories and characters that have touched the lives of millions. Rest In Peace

Rest in Peace, Stan.

(via takashi0)

chiibbo:

jkl-fff:

maramahan:

808lien:

colacharm:

wildlyannoyingdoofus:

colacharm:

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore 

1. never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.
2. find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.
3. talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore
4. picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else
5. if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.

… 8|

That’s some pretty good advice. I don’t know what’s left of my humor after ‘guess I’ll just die’ jokes but it’s worth a shot.

Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining

This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.

Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes

Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”

Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”

When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?

And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking

This is so important

(via leadhoovesies)