Alex's Stuff

omorka:

darkparallel:

youcantcancelquidditch:

the assassination of franz ferdinand was actually the most hilariously botched assassination attempt of all time though like i can’t even explain to you how badly it went i mean there were six guys and the first one chickened out and the second one forgot to factor in the delay on a hand grenade so it exploded like three cars past the archduke’s so the guy took a cyanide pill and threw himself into a river, but the cyanide was expired and the river was six inches deep so the police just pulled him out and took him off to jail and then everyone else basically gave up and headed home, and then the driver of the archduke took a wrong turn and the car stalled next to the last of the six guys, and he was just like “what a crazy random happenstance” and started world war one

You forgot to mention that the last guy only happened to kill Franz because he had just come out of the sandwich shop where the car stopped

It is obvious to even the most casual observer that this particular event has been meddled with by at least two groups of time travelers trying to change history.  Please, if you invent a time machine, leave the assassination of Ferdinand alone; the space-time continuum there is already showing obvious cracks from the strain.

(via takashi0)

egiru:

celticpyro:

*slams fist on the table* I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR NERD/JOCK DYNAMICS!

Boy do I have good news for you

Wholesome.

(via takashi0)

solaire-kyun:

captainrinsuu:

solaire-kyun:

Hideo Kojima is a real life harem protagonist

I guess that’s why he’s a bit of an unlikeable dick then.

(via takashi0)

lizardvvizard:

chazkuangshi:

ephemeral-lightning:

chazkuangshi:

“I’ve NEVER. Eaten a DONUT. In my ENTIRE LIFE. And I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”

-Crazy customer I had today, upon being offered a complimentary donut

Why is this a real thing that happened in the real world what’s the meaning of this

I’m just gonna copy paste the story here from discord because honestly the whole story is worth hearing

so lady comes through drive thru.
“Hi what can I get for you?”
“A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese.”
“A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese, sure no problem, can I get you anything else today?”
“No”
“Alright, you can pull up”
and I just hear this quiet disgrunted “ ‘Please’ ?”

I’m like uhhhhh, was that even directed at me, I don’t know, I don’t know how to respond to that so I just ignore it like I didn’t hear it. I go up to the window and see this woman, which she honestly looked like a tomato with messy gray hair. Before I have the window halfway open I see her roll her eyes at me so I’m like oh boy here we go, time to put on the stupid sweet customer voice

“Hi how are you today?”

She hands me the money for her bagel and goes “Just a tip. It’s ‘Please pull up to the window.’ not ‘pull up.’ I found that incredibly rude.”

I go “I’m sorry about that, I didn’t intend for that to be rude, I just meant that it was okay to pull up to the window now.”
“I know what you meant. But it was rude.”
“Well, I apologize. Here’s your bagel, have a great day.”
She goes “I’m a MYSTERY SHOPPER.” (If you don’t have Mystery shoppers where you are, it’s kind of like undercover boss where the store owner hires someone through the Mystery shopper program and they place a regular order just to make sure people are following policy)
I’m like “… ok”

So I’m about to tell my boss and coworker what just happened when she comes in. And I jump to the front counter because no way I’m letting her talk to my boss before I do.

“Hi, can I help you?”
“Yes. This bagel was supposed to be NOT toasted. You toasted it.”
“Ohh, I’m so sorry about that! I didn’t hear that. I’ll make you a new one right now.”
Coworker beats me to the bagel and I say “A little extra cream cheese on that.”
She looks at my boss “She just said a LITTLE cream cheese. I wanted EXTRA cream cheese.”
Boss goes “Oh, she said a little extra cream cheese.”
“Oh”

Boss goes into kiss ass mode as well and says, “I’m sorry about the mistake, would you like a donut?”
Lady goes “I’ve never. Eaten a donut. In my ENTIRE LIFE. and I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”
Boss is like “… ok” and we’re all internally going sdhakgsdgkja?

So we get the bagel out and she says to my boss
“And I have one more thing to say.” She leans in with a sneer. “Mystery shopper.”
boss goes “We don’t do that here.”
“yea you do.”
“No we don’t.”
“yea you do.”
“Have a good day.”

Basically we’re pretty sure the lady was crazy and she was absolutely lying because Mystery shoppers are not allowed to tell you that they’re mystery shoppers, and they aren’t allowed to coach you. And even if she was, “please” is not one of the things they look for. They look for a Greeting, whether or not you repeated the order and the price back, and whether or not you upsold. We haven’t participated in the program in over 7 years.

(via kronilix)